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Re: My Angel
Hey, Pari! I didn't think this was at all too long for a short story. I would probably rate it PG to PG-13 for language. :) I really enjoyed this ...
Apr 8, 2011 -
Re: deleted
Hey there, Lele! I'm interested to see where you take this. I agree that you could make it a little longer and give us just slightly more information to draw ...
Apr 6, 2011 -
Re: Finn's Kingdom (chapter1-short)
Hello there, YellowAeroplane! I think you're off to a good start here. :) The first thing I notice is that you have a lot of really short sentences, which makes ...
Apr 6, 2011 -
Re: The God-Maker Letters [I] (draft)
Hey, Bunny! You know I love you're writing, and you are very eloquent. :) I love the first and last few sentences. It gives us just enough confusion to kindle ...
Mar 21, 2011 -
Re: "Things I Don't Like" by Death
Like everyone else, I adored this piece. I don't think there's anything wrong with your first sentence. It sets the tone of the piece wonderfully. I think just starting with ...
Mar 20, 2011 -
Re: Saving
In agreement with purplepen, I would suggest you post only two or three chapters at a time, depending on the length. With such a long post, readers tend not to ...
Jan 2, 2011 -
Re: Hidden Wars~ I think this is the name I want. Maybe.
Hi there! This was a very interesting piece, and I look forward to reading further. :D I agree with what previous reviewers have said, but I have a few nitpicks ...
Dec 25, 2009 -
Re: What can I do now?
Alright. This was a nice poem, but I do have a few nitpicks. :D I'm going to go through it stanza by stanza. Heart Thumping, Terrifying, What can I do ...
Dec 21, 2009 -
Re: Dragon Tamer
Most of what can be said has been said, but I will do my best. Yes, some parts were a little cliche, but there are only about 27 existing plots ...
Jul 16, 2009 -
Re: The mountain's song
Very interesting poem. You change tense all of a sudden in the middle to past-tense. I think I like it better in present-tense. The mountains sing a song unknown The ...
Jul 15, 2009 -
Re: [closed]
Very nice. I really felt for the Character. I too, have some nitpicks, though. :D Preface: The bright light of day began to fade and time appeared to become quick. ...
Jul 15, 2009 -
Re: Blood - Prologue
Hi! I'm Searria! Nice to meet you. Okie-Day. This was very grabbing. I already like your MC. :D I like your voice in this piece. My friends used to tell ...
Jul 15, 2009 -
Re: Mama's all that matters.
This was very interesting. I was having a rather sun-shiny day, but I just had this strong urge to read this. Anyway.... This doesn't really have a point, but in ...
Jun 9, 2009 -
Re: tears
There was a good idea here, but I didn't really feel anything for your character. It was too short. You tell us that she had been the target of a ...
Mar 13, 2009 -
Re: Silent Night.
First of all, welcome to YWS! I'm Searria, but you can call me Sea. You have a good idea for a poem here, but the wording in some places is ...
Mar 13, 2009
